Why did I do this. . .

I just read a post over at Maria's that hit a nerve. She talks about the need to reset ourselves to continue to go towards our goals. I've hit a weight that I've been comfortable in before and because of the familiarity with this place that I haven't been a good bandster because I'm 'OK' at this weight. Uh......no. I did not have major surgery to become complacent after losing 30lbs, if that's all I really wanted to do, why bother? So like Maria said, I need to reset, mind and body to get into the groove of reaching my goal weight. 30lbs is indeed an accomplishment but it is not the end of my quest for better health (and better shopping).

I know I have some fears about loose skin that have already become reality but I honestly can't say I'm surprised. My thighs are a mess!! I've always had large thighs even when I was 120lbs 15 years ago, my mom has big thighs. She had GB 18mos ago has lost 150lbs and she wears spanx to hold it all together. I'm sad to know that's probably my future because I can't imagine having to wear spanx thru the TX summer but dammit if it helps my smaller clothes look better on my shrinking body, I'll do what I have to do.


So to Maria and anyone else in reset mode, let's do this! We have lived with this weight long enough to decide that we had had enough of carrying it around and had surgery to help the process. It's time to work with this band, minimize the self sabotage and let the weight and it's grip on our self-perception go!

I want to propose a toast *to us, getting even more healthy* 

xoxo
~ttyl

Happy still

I went to class this past Friday and got a 101 on my quiz!! I studied my butt off, it was a lot of material AND we had a sub. Who the hell has a sub in college?! That was some weird stuff but it was nice to have a different perspective and teaching style. I went Thursday for a followup/fill and ended up getting just barely .5cc. Under flouro it was pretty obvious that if I had anymore of a fill I wouldn't be able to eat, that means it is sup to me to get my ass in gear and really do this thing. I know my biggest problem is breaking the habit of eating and drinking. I have been trying to not even have a drink nearby when I eat to avoid the impulse to sip. A couple days of that has already proven to be FABULOUS, I'm down to 228 this morning, that's 3lbs from Thursday at the docs office AND while Tom was in town! I felt like poop Thursday after my appt and the light bulb finally came on Friday morning, I hadn't been drinking enough. Friday morning after 10 or so hours of sleep I still felt like hell. I grabbed a gatorade on the way to school and felt so much better. I've been conscious of maintaining hydration, I drink 3-4 16.9 oz bottles of water each day and maybe 8-10oz of other stuff and its obviously working since the scale is moving again.

This week I'm going to work on a baby quilt for a shower June 11 and this Friday is my birthday! Hopefully it won't be too stressful since I'll be spending the bulk of it in the classroom. My professor said she'll make this one of our pizza days and use school $ to feed us, I'm gonna take cupcakes. There are only 8 of us in this class I feel comfortable sharing this with them, after all it is my 30th birthday. Our plan is to go to an early movie Saturday and that's it, no parties, no alcohol (maybe), just hubby and the kids. A quiet day doing the one thing I really wanna do and it allows us to be a couple for a few hours then we can come home and be a family of 4. I think Saturday would be a good day for progress photos, I'm sure there has to be a visual difference by now!

~ttyl

pleasant surprise

My body must have listened to my whining complaining and such yesterday, I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 231.4!! 2 whole pounds lower than my lowest to date and a few from what I'd been fighting for 3 weeks! *happy dance, happy dance* Zumba felt great this evening, I pumped it up and did a lot more of the jumping than I usually do. That was a surprise in itself since it's rainy-ish and my knees usually hurt like hell when it rains.

Just wanted to give a quick update. I need to get my butt to bed, I have class in the morning.

~ttyl

ya know. . .

I think I lost a post. I've been so sporadic at posting anything I'm not even sure if that's true. Let's see, ummmm I"m still holding on to weight from TOM in APRIL and now TOM is upon me for May so let the water retention begin. It's frustrating to be so mindful of my eating, I feel like I might be on the tip of my green zone but I'll see my doc next week to talk about it. Working out is picking up again, I finally got my ass on the Wii Fit after almost 18months 2 days for about 30 min each time, (planks are a bitch!) Zumba Tues/Thurs and hour each AND I went to the Zumba Pajama Jammer Saturday night. It was frigging 3 hours of dancing in a poorly circulating skating rink, which means I sweat my ass off, literally, my pj bottoms were falling when I did the shimmy. I believe my ass has made its departure, hopefully it will come back as buns of steel with some roundness :)

I ended up not doing the 5K Saturday in my city, I horsed around with hubby and when he tossed me to the couch I landed wrong and had a nice bruise on my hip. It didn't really bother me til I did Zumba but dammit did it hurt after class! I decided it was easier to move around in a gym than to walk 3 mi through downtown where I wasn't sure of the route and stuff.

Well, what else? Hubby is taking classes or something for work and if he snaps at me one mo'gin, he gon' wake up missing an eyebrow or something! I hate when his work consumes him that way, he becomes such a prick, I'm tolerant in the beginning, when he gets quiet but he seems to always start talking before he's gotten over his pissy-spell, and that's when the storm begins. I hope it passes quickly. Now that I know he's in a classroom all day, I can modify my goings ons to make sure he has quick breakfast/lunch foods since he hardly gets a lunch break and I can make more effort to cook something healthy and hearty for dinner, be the housewife of his dreams for a week or so. I'm accommodating.......sometimes. Honestly ya'll I suck at this housewife thing, I had never considered staying home until I was pregnant with my son, it was nice the first 2 years. He was 18mos when I got pregnant with my daughter, ok, another year home, I can handle it. It'll be fun getting to see their relationship evolve. And it has been, but now they seem to be in a routine with each other, she is saying new words each day and I'm ready to go to work. I feel selfish for wanting to run away but me time should not be the hours between 10p-1a. Can I get some daylight hours to be Rahshell and put my Mommy hat on the shelf? July 29, can't come soon enough, classes will be over and I will have registered to take the PTCB. Hopefully I'll be working in the time between finishing class and taking the test. We'll see how that goes. I had my 2nd midterm last week, not sure what my grade is yet but that's part of the reason I've been short on posts. Reading up for class this Friday is why I'm up now. good gracious it's midnight!!

~ttyl

March for Babies

* I know I've been MIA, I hadn't really had much to say. I started this post on my cell riding back from Austin :)*

It went well!! Karen and I met up with a few other ladies for the drive to Austin. We got to the location problem free and were raring to go. The Mothers Milk Bank had a nice setup for nursing and some changing tables, of course the table with information about breastfeeding.  A little after 9am the ladies from the bank were ready to get going, we left with the second wave. The walk was through downtown Austin and we pretty much strolled and did some sightseeing. We took about 90min to complete the course. The hills on Congress and Lavaca were f*%$ing stupid but the start and finish on the bridge was pretty. I got my MMB tshirt and was pleasantly surprised, it's an XL and has slack around my hips!! We're gonna do the walk this coming Saturday in Killeen and this time I'll take my family along. Hopefully hubby will get some good pictures of us.

Y'all, I have never participated in anything like this and I have no experience with losing a child or having on in NICU. The emotion and love and support was palpable, almost overwhelming. There were signs at the chute that had words from parents to their angels and my gosh it was so touching. Karen's friend had lost a baby this January and she broke down and cried, I couldn't remember her name all day but I felt so protective of her, primal, like her pain was mine and I took it personally. At some point we all teared up. It was emotional and cleansing and it makes me feels so proud of the parents and babies who have fought long and hard to be healthy and it made me feel blessed to have my healthy children. I learned the March of Dimes is in support of ALL babies, full-term, pre-term, with and without health concerns and their goal is to see babies born healthy, and to support the families of those babies. I feel like I'm rambling so I'm gonna go. Check out the pics :) The Brylie is the doll I'm walking for, Karen had her at 29 weeks, she is 6 months old now

After the March